Family and Kenpo

Last night, after reviewing a bunch of the Kenpo forms and sets with my students, I battled it out with one of my top black belts, Scott Southwell. This isn’t anything unusual, as Scott and I fight full contact at least once per week together. We usually fight after an already exhausting night, whether it be because of kicks drilled up and down the floor, techniques with resistance on partners, forms and sets training, or hand drills. As a 6th degree black belt, I try my best to lead by example, by not just telling my students how to move, but by getting out there and doing it with them.

After going home last night, I thought about my training routine, which is a literal 7 days per week. I acknowledged that the reason why I put my body through such rigorous activity (and sometimes pain) in Kenpo is simply because I value the art so much.

What about the other areas of my life? Do I truly value the marriage that I have with my wife Chantel? I do, but I am always striving to make it better. I love her to no end, and because of that, I need to commit time to be with her, to recognize her needs, and to continue to grow in our marriage. I need to continue to step up to the plate with my children, by being the father that God intended me to be, and to help Chantel out whenever possible with our children. Marriages that our built on martial arts first, and then family second, will likely not survive, and if they do, it won’t be the joyful marriage and family atmosphere that you and your wife both deserve.

It’s easy for us to say that we BELIEVE that we should put our families before martial arts, but does it show in our actions? Since obtaining my Kenpo Karate black belt in 1990, I have taught literally thousands of different kids. What I am seeing over the years, unfortunately, is growing proportion of children that are growing up without a father. Some of these fathers are long gone, and want little to nothing to do with their children anymore. Other fathers were physically abusive, either to their wife, children, or both. Still others turned to alcohol and drugs as “escapism”. They blame their wife saying, “It was her fault”; the reality is that they took the drink and the drink took them.

What do you value in life? I value God and my family FIRST. And when I fail that order (which is sometimes the case), I sit, think, and pray about change for the better. “Till death do us part”…those are BIG words. And every day I get out of bed, I face them.

Balancing Martial Arts and Home Life

I train 7 days per week. I practice my forms, sets, techniques, and weapons daily. I also spar (continuous) two times per week. I actively seek out major tournaments to test my skills against other top-notch competition. No, not because I want that extra trophy. No, not because I want to brag to others about my accomplishments. I do it to test myself. By doing so, I set short-term goals. Once one goal is accomplished, I move on towards another goal.

Besides this strict training regiment, I have been happily married for almost 6 years, and have two beautiful daughters. I also run my own Kenpo Karate school two nights per week and work full-time. But, I have plenty of time with my family. How is this possible?

I train for one hour every lunch hour (Monday to Friday) at my regular day job. That already gives me an extra hour every night to spend with my family instead of taking off and leaving my wife and children behind. Because I am limited to one hour at lunch, I really “push it”. I might work forms, sets, or techniques, or some combination of the three.

I run my Kenpo school on Monday and Thursday nights. I teach all classes. I also spar my black belts and advanced students, work the forms and sets with them, and demonstrate the techniques slowly and at street speed on a partner when teaching the self-defense techniques. On my “off” nights (Tue, Wed, Fri), I practice when the kids are in bed, or are occupied playing, and my wife has something she would like to watch or do on her own.

But I hardly ever leave my wife and kids behind to go practice. My marriage is more important than whether I can pull off Long 1-Long 8 on a given night. That is not fair to my wife or my daughters. Yes, we all need time to ourselves, but make no mistake about it, if that means putting our personal desires by way of sacrificing time away from our family, that is just wrong and selfish.

Sometimes I wonder how much more intact and close families would be if fathers took more responsibility instead of just talking about how much they care about their families. If you think you were “called” to be a monk and to train every night while having very little “spouse time”, you shouldn’t have said, “I do” at the altar. Marriage is give and take, and from what I often see, it doesn’t appear that a lot of men do much giving.

By training 7 days per week, and doing so without sacrificing much family time, I have to make a lot of personal sacrifices. I have to force myself out into the cold during the winter, practicing while other people watching think I am crazy. And trust me, I practice in all sorts of bad weather, blizzards included. I have to forfeit relaxing on the couch to watch an NFL football game on Sundays if that is when the kids are sleeping or have gone out with their papa. I have to forfeit watching an awesome NHL game at night, if that is the time my wife wants to do some work on her new laptop, and the kids are in bed. But I won’t forfeit my wife or my daughters. I love them too much to do so. How about you?